The Missing Piece in Habit Formation

We’ve all heard the buzz around building better habits—how small, consistent actions can lead to massive change. James Clear’s Atomic Habits offers a brilliant roadmap for that, breaking habits down into manageable pieces and showing how identity shapes our behaviors. But in my experience working with leaders and organizations, there’s a missing piece: unlearning.

Why Unlearning Matters in Habit Formation

Clear explains that habits are tied to identity—you become the type of person who exercises by adopting the habits of someone who exercises. This approach is incredibly powerful, but what happens when your current identity fights back?

That’s where unlearning comes in. Many of us hold deeply ingrained beliefs and micro-habits that resist change, often without us even realizing it. For example, if you believe, “I’m not the type of person who speaks up in meetings,” no amount of habit-building will stick until you unlearn that limiting narrative.

This resistance is often unconscious, making it even more challenging to adopt new habits. It’s not just about learning who you want to become—it’s about releasing the outdated habits and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Breaking Through Resistance with Micro-Habits

At Conscious Leadership Partners, we use what I call the POCA Model to help clients navigate both learning and unlearning. POCA is Spanish for "small," and it reflects the idea that small, intentional steps can create significant shifts.

1. Pause: Clear talks about intentionality, but pausing is the first step. You can’t change what you can’t see. Many of us are so addicted to speed—moving from meeting to meeting without resetting—that we carry the energy of one situation into the next. Slowing down allows you to see patterns and emotions that you’d otherwise miss.
2. Observe: This is where the real work begins. What beliefs, narratives, and micro-behaviors are operating in the background?
• What stories are you telling yourself about who you are or who others are?
• What behaviors are running on autopilot that might be causing friction?
• What is your body communicating in high-stakes situations?
  These small, everyday observations unlock the key to more intentional action.
3. Choose: This step is about discernment. Now that you’ve identified the micro-habits, which ones align with your new identity? If you aspire to be a more present, empathetic leader, you need to choose habits that align with that vision—both for yourself and your organization.
4. Act: Finally, take small, intentional steps. This process isn’t linear—you’ll experience setbacks. What’s important is holding yourself accountable and recognizing that growth often feels like two steps forward, one step back. Even moments of regression are opportunities to learn. 

Beliefs, Behaviors, and Bodies

Another critical element of habit formation that often goes unnoticed is the connection between beliefs, behaviors, and how we carry ourselves physically. In our work with clients, we emphasize the importance of these “3 B’s” because they shape not only personal identity but also workplace culture.

1. Beliefs: The stories we tell ourselves—whether about our abilities, others, or circumstances—shape how we experience the world. It’s not about facts; it’s about narratives. Shifting those narratives is essential for lasting change. As Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
2. Behaviors: The small, automatic behaviors we engage in every day either move us toward or away from our goals. Recognizing these habits—especially the unproductive ones—is critical. Sometimes they’re so ingrained that we don’t even notice them.
3. Bodies: Your body language communicates more than words. The way you carry yourself shapes your presence and influences how others respond to you. I’ve seen clients immediately adjust their posture when asked to “stand like a confident leader,” showing that the body knows what it looks like to embody leadership—even if the mind hasn’t caught up yet. 

Learning, Unlearning, and Leading with Intention

In my experience, one of the biggest reasons leaders struggle with building better habits is that they don’t take the time to unlearn the micro-habits that no longer serve them. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about slowing down, observing patterns, making intentional choices, and staying accountable through the inevitable setbacks.

True leadership isn’t just about achieving goals—it’s about showing up intentionally, in alignment with your values and your team’s needs. When leaders approach habit formation through this lens of learning and unlearning, they unlock new levels of personal growth and organizational success.

What’s Next for You?

So, what micro-habits are you holding on to that no longer serve you or your team? What beliefs need to shift for you to become the leader you aspire to be?

Pause. Observe. Choose. Act.

The next step toward intentional leadership is right in front of you. Are you ready to take it?

Unlearning Is the Key to Real Change

While James Clear’s Atomic Habits offers powerful insights into building better habits, unlearning is just as important for sustainable growth. By pausing to reflect on old patterns, observing your beliefs and behaviors, and choosing habits that align with your new identity, you can create meaningful change—for yourself, your team, and your organization.

So, what are you ready to unlearn today? The path to a more agile, engaged, and successful organization starts with that simple, courageous step.

Ready to start your unlearning journey? 

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